Homemaking and Impostor Syndrome: Why You’re More Legit Than You Think

Five years ago, I stood in my kitchen sometime in the evening, surrounded by dishes, with my toddler tugging at my leg and pasta boiling over on the stove. That old familiar thought crept in: “I have no idea what I’m doing. Everyone else has this figured out… right?”

Wrong. But it took me years to realize that feeling like an impostor in your own home isn’t just common – it’s practically something most of us have been through, or corrently going through. A rite of passage of sorts.

What does it actually mean to be a homemaker?

Forget what you’ve seen on TV. Being a homemaker isn’t about wearing an apron and baking perfect cookies (though if that’s your thing, go for it). It’s about keeping your home running, whatever that means for you.

The real job description reads like a corporate merger of roles. You’re the CEO making executive decisions about household operations, while simultaneously serving as the CFO managing the family budget. Add in the roles of head chef, maintenance supervisor, logistics coordinator, and family therapist, and you’re starting to get the picture.

Your days constantly involve sorting out meals, managing schedules, handling finances, and making countless decisions about everything from grocery lists to homework stuff.

Some people do this full-time. Others squeeze it in between jobs or side hustles. Both kinds of people count.

And while homemaking is often undervalued, studies estimate that if it were assigned a monetary value, the contributions of homemakers could exceed $100,000 annually, factoring in childcare, meal preparation, cleaning, and household management (Salary.com).

The Modern Homemaker: Breaking the Mold

One thing I’ve found interesting is, today’s homemakers are as diverse as they come.

You’ll find working moms managing remote jobs while overseeing virtual schooling. Single parents juggling every aspect of home life solo. Couples splitting household duties in ways that work for their unique situation. People caring for aging parents while maintaining their own households.

The point is, if you’re taking care of a living space and the people in it, you’re a homemaker. No pearls required.

It’s a role mostly handled by women but a growing number of men now identify as homemakers, reflecting shifting cultural attitudes toward shared household responsibilities. This change highlights the evolving nature of modern families and the importance of recognizing homemaking as a valued role for anyone interested in the wellbeing of their home and everyone in it.

Why That “Fake” Feeling Hits So Hard

Meeting with my mommy group last year, I brought up something I’d been thinking about a lot: that nagging feeling of being a fraud at this whole homemaking thing. The response surprised me. Not because people agreed, but because of how quickly and emphatically everyone nodded. Within minutes, we were all sharing stories about times we felt like we were just pretending to have it together.

This wasn’t just us being hard on ourselves. There are real reasons why so many homemakers question their abilities:

1. Invisible Work

Nobody sees you remembering it’s trash day at 11 PM, or noticing the toilet paper’s running low, or mentally tracking everyone’s schedules. The behind the scenes organization that keeps a household running smoothly often goes unnoticed until something falls through the cracks.

2. The Comparison Trap

Social media has created an endless stream of seemingly perfect homes and families. We see Pinterest-perfect playrooms and Instagram-worthy meal prep, creating an impossible standard that no real home without a massive budget and a bunch of help can maintain. Research shows that excessive social media use is linked to increased feelings of inadequacy and anxiety (Wikipedia).

3. The Value Question

Society still struggles to recognize unpaid work as real work. Homemakers rarely get external validation, which can make it easy to question whether what we do actually matters. But approximately 70% of people experience impostor syndrome at some point in their lives (NCBI), and homemakers are no exception.

Practical Steps to Own Your Role

After discussing with several friends, other moms, and learning from my own journey, I’ve discovered some practical approaches that actually work. The key isn’t trying to do everything perfectly – it’s finding what works for you and your home.

1. Track Your Wins

Instead of focusing only on what needs to be done, start acknowledging what you’ve already accomplished. A “Done List” can be more motivating than a to-do list. Did you make meals happen today? Handle a crisis without losing your cool? Finally track down the mystery smell in the fridge? These are real wins that deserve recognition.

2. Build Your Systems

You don’t need an Instagrammable command center or expensive planning apps to be organized. Start with the basics that matter most to your household:

• A simple meal rotation your family actually enjoys
• A flexible cleaning schedule that fits your life
• Basic morning and evening routines

The key is starting small and building up. My first “system” was just a notebook where I wrote down dinner ideas that hadn’t caused complaints. It wasn’t fancy, but it worked.

3. Set Boundaries

Being a homemaker doesn’t mean being available 24/7. Setting boundaries isn’t selfish, it’s necessary for sustainability. Start by defining your “working hours” just like you would in any other job. Teach independence skills appropriate to each family member’s age and ability. Most importantly, learn to say no to tasks that aren’t essential or that others can handle.

4. Find Your Community

Isolation can make impostor feelings worse. Finding your people can make all the difference. Look for connections in unexpected places – maybe it’s the parent you always see at school pickup, or someone in an online group who shares your particular challenges. The goal isn’t to find perfect homemakers (I don’t know any), but to connect with others who understand your daily reality.

Making Peace with Imperfection

The secret to feeling less like an impostor isn’t achieving perfection – it’s accepting that perfect homemaking doesn’t exist. Every home has its own rhythm, its own needs, and its own version of success. What matters is creating a space that works for the people who live there.

A “good enough” approach that you can maintain consistently is worth far more than a perfect system that falls apart after two days. Some days, dinner might be a gourmet meal you’ve planned all week. Other days, it might be breakfast for dinner because that’s what you had energy for. Both are valid choices that feed your family.

Moving Forward

When that impostor feeling creeps in (and it will), remember that feeling uncertain doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong.

Every experienced homemaker started somewhere, and most of us still have moments of doubt. The difference is that we’ve learned to recognize these feelings as normal without letting them define us.

Look around your home. Maybe it’s not perfect. Maybe there are dishes in the sink or toys on the floor. But there are also signs of life, of love, of people being cared for. That pile of laundry? It means you have clothes to wear. Those dirty dishes? They’re evidence of meals shared. The scattered toys? They show that your home is lived in, not just looked at.

Your Turn

Take a moment to think about your strengths as a homemaker. Maybe you’re great at:

• Creating cozy spaces
• Making holidays special
• Keeping track of everyone’s needs
• Finding creative solutions to daily challenges

Pick one thing you do well and really own it. That’s not impostor syndrome talking – that’s real skill developed through experience.

The goal isn’t to be the perfect homemaker. It’s to be the homemaker your home needs. And you’re already doing that, even if it doesn’t feel like it yet.